be open

My intention in class on Sunday was about having and maintaining an open heart. Being young and naive leads most of us to naturally have open hearts and be open to new experiences. To jump right into new things without thought of the consequences. As time and years pass, we suffer pain, heartbreak, disappointment, and embarrassment...repeatedly. It is only natural, after suffering so many painful repercussions of putting oneself out there, that we being to close ourselves off  in the name of self preservation. People become jaded, cynical, and guarded.

To feel pain means that we are present in the now. I would much rather know I was open to something, and had a great time while it lasted, than to have closed myself off to it and never experienced that. I just watched the movie "He's Just Not That Into You." I love what Ginnifer Goodwin's character Gigi tells Justin Long's Alex after he spurns her advances and almost demonizes her for her ability to create something out of nothing. She tells him that she would much rather remain hopeful, even if it caused her embarrassment and pain, than be closed off and jaded like he is. She puts herself out there while he isn't open to anything. Alex does prevent himself from getting hurt, yes. But the only way to get anything worth having is to put yourself out there. Gigi realizes she's doing just that. She stops trying to change herself to get the guy. She becomes happy with herself. This is the key...becoming happy with ourselves first and foremost. Not relying on someone or something else to make us happy.

Objectively, it seems a terrible cycle. Open up, get hurt, sulk and cry and eat ice cream, heal, open up again. However, to experience each and every one of those steps, to feel pain, is to experience life. To be present in the current moment, no matter what that moment holds for you. Let's be honest...it sucks to be hurt and feel pain. To feel like an idiot. But, even in the midst of feeling like an idiot, I would still much rather maintain my openness and vulnerability. I have to believe that "it," whatever "it" might be for me, will happen when I am the happiest with myself and the most open to any and all new experiences. The ups and downs remind us we are human and we are alive (versus a flat line: beeeeeeeeep). The downs make the ups seem all the more amazing. Facing disappointment after disappointment is...hard. (Talk about understatement.) To react to that by building up a guard isn't strength. It's fear. To accept and experience the pain, and then welcome the next experience with an open heart is pure strength.


ps, Destiny's Child's "Survivor" just came on my iTunes. Love it.